I resolve…

I had a very long conversation with a very dear longtime friend last night. My spiritual advisor of sorts. She knows me well, and have been there through all of my major life transitions. she has always told me that I’m too hard on myself and that I’m a pretty amazing/awesome/lucky/blessed/talented/gifted/beautiful soul.

 

And sometimes, I believe her…

 

I think it’s natural for most people who aren’t where they want to be (regardless of what situation or where exactly their destination is) to be extremely hard on themselves.  There are some things out of our control, but there are alot of things IN our control, too.

 

Health? Alot of that is in our control.  Weigh loss (and gain) is mostly in our control, too. The choices that we make that affect the final outcome of the aforementioned things are pretty much on us as well. Which makes it very frustrating when you know you are doing The Work, and are still stuck in a place you are fighting tooth and nail to get out of.

I realize that over the past month or two, I have totally become obsessed about my weight. All-consumed. Every moment of every day. I couldn’t do anything or eat anything without thinking about the calorie count and ramifications of eating [whatever] it [was].  I mean, yeah…you need to be mindful of what you eat and make sound nutritional choices. Keep indulgences to a minimum & keep your eyes on the prize.  But it shouldn’t become something that overwhelms you to the point of stress…every. Single. DAY.

And it has gotten that way to me. (Breakdown level stress with tears and the whole shebang)

Especially when I realized that I’d be in a full-on panic about not logging every single thing every single day on My Fitness Pal that crossed my lips.  The thing is – MFP is an aid to help YOU.  But it became a hinderence when I’d get myself in a tizzy because I didn’t want anyone ELSE to think I had fallen off the wagon.  Who really gives a $h!t, anyway.  This is about ME, not anyone else. While I do LOVE utilizing  such clever little tools to help me be accountable, I shouldn’t feel the need to become a slave to it. I shouldn’t stress about not logging every single thing every single day (unless I’m on a challenge/bet/etc.), but alas…I DO. And it’s made me HATE the journey even more.

I do know that I have encouraged and inspired many people – which is another reason it stresses me. But I refuse to be a slave to this thang. My life is more than my weight.  I have a husband, child, full time job, and business to tend to.  I can’t sit around worrying all day about food & exercise every moment of the day. NORMAL people don’t do that.  Once you have made that change in your life, it should become natural…not forced. And certainly not something to obsess over.

 

So you know what? Given the thoughts on my last post and knowing that this is a lifelong commitment…I’ve decided that it’s time to try something different. I’ve been stressing out entirely TOO much about My Magic Number… been losing sleep over this last 30-40 pounds that I need like to get off… underwhelmed by the fact that I’m still super bottom heavy (though I still think chicks with curves rock!). I cannot live the rest of my life like this. and I can almost guarantee that my stress ove the matter is part of the reason for the matter.

 

Ya dig?

So…

 

It’s high time that I resolve…

to stop obsessing & stressing

to be kinder to myself on this [weight loss] journey

to remember that where I have to go is not nearly as far as from where I’ve come

to appreciate my progress & my transformation

to celebrate my fit curves and fabulous God-given womanly figure

to stop worrying so much about what other people may think about where I’m at in this struggle (because they probably don’t care anyway!)

to continue making the best possible choices for my future health & well-being

to stop comparing my journey to other peoples journey/results/success

to show LOVE to and be KIND to myself….every. Single. DAY.

 

That’s all I can do.

 

And it’s high time that I started doing it.