Fatty Boom Batty

Why did I stay fat for so long before finally deciding to “do” something about it?

I was recently asked that question. (among others). Honestly, it’s not that i didn’t “do” anything about it.  I just didn’t do the RIGHT thing(s) about it. I think because I have always (read: since I was a child) struggled with my weight, it was just accepted as being part of who I was [in my head]: A full-figured GODDESS. *sigh*

Embracing my Inner Goddess

I did the diet thing, more times than I care to mention. Pills. Diet drinks. Working out. Etc.  All for very limited amounts of time, mind you. But I DID try, at least.  I never thought of myself as unhealthy – but I also think that was part of me being in denial. And that was the problem.  I NEVER thought about my HEALTH. Period!

In fact, as I’ve mentioned before – I felt far more comfortable in my skin 100# ago. I felt I was alot more confident/sexy [in my head] 100# ago.

But WHY?? Was it because I felt I HAD to be in order to fully accept my f-attitude?  I STILL don’t know. Once I figure out WHY…then I’ll be onto something. *lol*

I will also be honest and say that part of what held me back, is the fact that I grew to truly EMBRACE my curves. There are so many people who now say “embrace your curves!” “love the skin your in!” “fat is fabulous!”  YEAH, I GET all of that.  *duh*  I lived that. But what about (pardon the pun) the elephant in the room that no one wants to address: the HEALTH factor??

Total Denial

As I reminded someone else yesterday (I also have to remind myself): to try not to let what you (I) have known about yourself (myself) & confidence (“full figured and loving it”) keep you (me) from taking a step (continuing on a journey) that is not about superficial looks. BOTTOM LINE: I wasn’t tryna DIE an early death.  I have a family to take care of. And though good looks come in all shapes & sizes, Morbid Obesity is NOT [fundamentally] sexy.  Nothing that implies, infers, or alludes to morbidity, death, or loss of life is……………………is it??

I was in denial for a longggggg timeeeeee surrounding that. I mean, who REALLY wants to be fat? REALLY? Because as cute as I thought I was…let me tell you: walking around in pain every day. Feet hurt. Back hurt. Knees hurt. Feeling like I was gonna die after going up a flight or two of steps. Gasping for air if I had to walk farther than a block or two. No me gusta. And the kicker for me? Looking back on some of my older pics when I really thought I was looking my best and “Doing the MOST” *lol* – only to realize…Just. How. UNCOMFORTABLE I looked.

Does this LOOK...comfortable for me??

Yeah – you can HAVE that. *pfft*

As big as I was, I still had somewhat of a womanly, curvy figure. (I guess) I didn’t want to lose that, along with the extra weight.  And even after losing a significant amount of my excess weight, I still struggle DAILY with my “after” body image.  On any given day, I somehow still worry about getting “too small”. Though genetics tells me I don’t think that I’ll really have to worry about that. If I can get down to a size 12 (which will be in about 25#, give or take.  I’m holding firm at a sz 14) – I’ll be more than pleased. That’s plenty of curves & “sexy” for me on this 5’3″ frame.  And while worried about losing my shape – I’m constantly reminded by some of the progress pics I take, that I’m more shapely than ever. Haven’t you seen me lately? *sexy smirk* Still curvaceous. Same SHAPE. Smaller SIZE. Better HEALTH.

It’s still alot to take in, I know.  But I do know the choice I made to DO something about my weight was for the right reason: QUALITY OF LIFE. Mine and my child. And while I still absolutely have “post” body image issues…it’s something that I am working through. Having been overweight my entire life, and obese for all of my adult life – I STILL look in the mirror and see a size 24 woman looking back at me, when in reality I am ten sizes smaller. TEN. clothing sizes. Just dumb stuff that should resonate, but it doesn’t!

Size 24 ---> Size 14

I was discussing with a friend yesterday who is about to undergo the same journey that you can’t let your “fears” keep you from doing what needs to be done. Your figure is your FIGURE. Period. Taking some weight off isn’t going to take away your womanly shape.  You were BORN with it.  If you got it, you got it!  *wink*

Still "Voluptuous"!

So if that is what is holding you back (I think it was a considerable factor for me also – especially where my boobage is concerned. and as we know, I have NO worries, there…even minus all of the weight *lol*) – it’s time to re-think why you would want to hold on to… the weight.

What has it profited you/me/anyone by being unhealthy? Really?

Granted – I still have a good 40# to go to get to MY goal (my doctor’s goal is a little farther away @ 55# *lol*) but I’m still tracking.  Still well within the “great progress” timeframe. And I am satisfied with that.  My birthday is in February, and I would like to have lost another 20# by then. I have a little less than 4 months. So that’s about 5#/month. Just about a pound a week. *sigh* (writing it makes me realize that it a TOTALLY doable goal, so I really need to get my butt in gear!) It’s a daily journey…

ALLLLLLLL of that to say:  I can still be fabulous, (working on being more fit, too!) AND curvy/voluptuous/vixen-ish.

So can you…

And whether you truly commit to getting some weight off the good old fashioned way of a healthy lifestyle. Or realize that you may need some surgical intervention.

It DOESN’T MATTER. What matters is DOING SOMETHING. Got that?

So what’s holding (or held) you back (for so long)??
*more change come soon – I bring it*