REBEL [with a cause]

So, I’m going to cheat and begin this blog with something I posted on FB when I added this image to my Weight Loss Journey Album. Bear with me if you’ve already read the blurb. I’m going somewhere with this…

*insert FB text*   I was going through an old suitcase of clothes, trying to find somethings suitable for the spring. I came across my favorite pair of capri pants. I remember buying these when GiGi was a few months old. They were too tight (Sz 22/24) but I got them anyway because they were on the clearance rack.

Yes. I could fit these… Sz 22/24

I picked them up today half thinking “maybe if I pull the drawstring tight enough…”. Then I held them up to myself, and started crying. I can’t believe…THIS is me. I can’t believe THOSE pants were ever too tight. My progress amazes me sometimes. It truly does… *end text*

Fast forward a few years, over 100 lbs, and a new found love for running.  Y’all know that I have been hard on the 5k challenge/training kick. And I’m sure y’all are tired of hearing about it.

 

Yeah. Ok.  Got it.

 

Well, as it would happen, my homie that helped me with completing my first “fitness feat” just signed up for another race. Something most definitely out of my league, if not out of my reach: The Rebel Race.

 

What is it, you say?  To take a tidbit from the website: “…Rebel Race is a weekend get-away for athletes that want to run a military style 5k…and then party like there’s no tomorrow!  — it’s the most adrenaline rushing obstacle run ever!”

 

I’d be crazy to think I could do this.  Right?   8 weeks is no where near enough time to prepare my body for this torture, right? I mean, I surely don’t look like one of those mud-splatter HOTTIES they have posted all over the website.  Do I?

 

EXACTLY why I think I’m so eager to take this on.  A good friend of mine led me to this article when I was hemming & hawing about not being able to do such a thing “because I don’t have the right body type…blah-blah, blah…” She shut me up REALLY  quickly and simply said to me “I don’t think she has the right body type either” (and I know she had a BIG @$$ smirk on her face as she typed it, too!)

 

Now,  the thought of doing this… is consuming me…  To the point, I have committed myself to this [mentally]- even though I haven’t [physically]registered yet.

 

What I have learned about running all of these races is that it most often…ain’t free.  For those that know me, you know how hard the last year was on me financially…and  you also know that I have a small jewelry handmade business – GGX Jewels, that has helped me get back on track.   If not- now you do!   So since I’ve introduced you to my inner-writer [via my blogs], please allow me to introduce you to my inner-hustler…

 

In an effort to be able to afford to do these races (and specifically this RIDICULOUS self-imposed torture of a challenge),  I need to be able to raise some funds for registration fees.  I’ve decided the best way to do that would be to to hustle my jewels.  That said – if I can get at least 10 people to  purchase a $10 Gift certificate (which I will match dollar for dollar.  IE: $10 will get you $20 towards your order/purchase), I will be golden for the Rebel Race. Anything that is raised beyond that will go towards Yankee Stadium RNUNYON (August) or the MCM 10k (October).   I will also offer up my BEST-SELLING item – Bangin’ Beauties for $10/pair (regularly $17 each  – PLUS FREE SHIPPING if you order 2 or more pairs).  Oh yeah – you can always just place a custom-order also —  I love my GGX newbies!!  JUST BE SURE TO MENTION THIS BLOG WHEN PLACING YOUR ORDER!!!

 

So…What do you think??

Would you be willing to help a glutton for physical punishment attempt to tackle THIS?

 

Of course, you can always just choose to “Pay it Forward” and give a love-offering. But I honestly would rather  give you something in exchange for helping me meet a goal.  However, if you insist – I won’t stop you! 🙂   I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I’ll never know what I’m capable of if I don’t try.  And I’ll never get the support I need if I don’t put it out there… So here it is!

 

The realization of what the above picture represents is enough for me to want throw myself into this challenge.  Knowing I could have never imagined doing something like this 2 years ago… I WANT THIS!  So I’m laying it out there.  Putting in my petition to to God, and thanking Him in advance.  (and I’d venture to say that even if not one person is able to assist – I will STILL find a way)

Believe THAT.

 

So with that – I  just want to say THANK YOU for all of the continued encouragement and support.  It all means more to me than you will ever know…

The Numbers Game

*stands up raises hand* My name is VVixen, and I’m a ‘Numbers‘ Whore. *hangs head*

See, when I first decided that I needed to do something drastic to get the weight off of my rather petite 5’3″ frame… all I had in my head was…

numbers
Numbers
NUMBERS

 
In fact, from the day that I got on the scale and it had hit the 300# mark, all I could EVER think about was numbers…and getting said numbers to decrease (though in actuality, the numbers went up about 10# before going down *lol*).

 
I had in my head that IF I’m going to have this weight loss surgery, then I need to ensure I hit *my* goal weight of 175 – preferably by my 2 year surgery anniversary – which will be September 20. Ironically, that number has also changed and aligned itself a little more closely with my Dr.’s number of 165 — since 175 at my height is still technically OBESE. And for me, that would defeat the purpose of such a drastic measure.  But I digress…

 
Everything was peachy the first year post-op, because the weight loss was – dare I say – pretty d@mn effortless. This second year? Not so much.  I’ve worked harder than I thought I would have to, but I’m better because of it. And not only that – the results are evident. Even weekly [in my physical appearance].  so WHY do the friggen NUMBERS bother me so?!?!?

 

I guess they give me a more certain feeling of accomplishment.  Like I KNOW I’m making progress when I see the numbers go down. *shrug*

 

 

The scale has only moved 5# in the past month…yet, in that time I’ve not only completed my first athletic feat (and signed up for many others)…but am also running/training on a very consistent basis.  I journal my foods. I’m paying more attention to my nutrition.  But I’m STILL up in arms about the scale not moving – thereby keeping me away from my Magic Number.

 

*sigh*

 

Well, I got a book in the mail yesterday that a friend of mine wrote. (Check it out, HERE)  Within the first few pages, there was one thing that JUMPED off the page at me. Loosely quoted “the aim should not be losing WEIGHT, but losing FAT”.  And as people have reminded me soooo many times before…I’m building muscle (which weighs more than fat) as I’m working out.  I’m not just doing cardio/running.  But also core strengthening & weight lifting.

 

 

So…

 

 

It would stand to reason that I’m building [lean] muscles. Right? (Right.)
That weigh MORE than the fat I’m losing. Right?  (Right.)
Which means that while the scale might not be moving the way I want it to, that much progress is still being made. Right? (Right.)

 

 
I send my friend “The IMP” (the male counter-part of my other blog, also dear friend/photographer – who shot some pics of me on my trip to Houston back in February) a pic (left one, above ^^^) that I posted to my Weight Loss Journey Pic Album.  His response?

So, I’m learning a bit…to relax on the numbers. I want RESULTS! The numbers don’t make me – my effort & progress [both inside & out] does!

I mean, who would have ever looked at me (or LOOK at me [/present tense]) and seen [/see]…an…athlete?  That part still blows my mind.  It hasn’t been an easy road, but I can honestly say that if I didn’t have to work so hard for it, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the results.

And that, I do!

Side note: I think I went a lil gung-ho on attempting to run every day  –  I hadn’t been giving my muscles enough time to repair and had been experiencing alot of hip pain.  I have scaled the runs back to 3x a week (never back to back as I had been doing) – and increasing my weight training, and throwing a fun workout in once a week (ie: bellydancing, zumba, pole dancing, yoga).  But look at this view on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge trail!  How could I not want to take the time to enjoy this every day?

Baby steps.

Must remember not to overdue it if I want to improve on my time. My next 5k is next weekend…and I’m looking very forward to seeing how my work over the past 2 weeks plays out on the course.

Wish me luck!!

A funny thing happened…

The most "definition" my leg has EVER seen...

 

I was in the shower shaving my legs, and had my one leg propped up [all sexy-like] on the edge of the tub. Kinda-like you see in the shaving commercials & such.  As I was smoothing on my shaving lotion, I noticed something felt a little hard.  Wouldn’t you know it – it was my [calf] muscle!!

 

Now, my legs are my #1 problem area so I have always I wanted to hide them.  These thunder thighs have been the bane of my existence ever since I was a pre-teen.  But without really thinking about what “training” for these 5ks has been doing in terms my physical appearance – as I truly am just working on my time/stamina – wouldn’t you know that running is really starting to reshape my legs.

 

This isn’t the greatest pic – but it works for me.  My c’ankles are GONE, and I can definitely see the difference. That said, there is still the issue of ‘Mucho Mas Grande Queso’ going on.  But at least in clothes, everything appears to be falling right into place.

 

It’s only been two weeks since I started training hard for the May 6 5k – but I’ve already shaved off about 5 minutes from my finishing time.   I’m aiming for 40 minutes…but we shall see!

 

I will note this additional finding: my body is capable of SO MUCH MORE than I imagined.  I currently go with the methodology of “run for TWO songs, walk for ONE song”. I’ve also been logging my runs as an accountability check on FB.  (A few of my times are posted below).  For anyone who thinks they cant – YOU MOST CERTAINLY CAN.  If I can, so can you!!  One day, one step at a time!

 

                 

My playlist had definitely helped me accomplish better time in my minute-milage.  For those who have asked, here is my fairly simple list. I Google’d some of the best workout playlists, as well as taken advice from others. Alot of the songs were chosen for power & length…while others for the mere hype factor.  If you have any must-have selections…please pass them on (along with an iTunes gift card *lol* <—– j/k. sorta)

• Too close – Alex Clare
• Diva – Beyonce
• Boom Boom Pow  & Imma Be- Black Eyed Peas
• Till the world Ends REMIX – Brit Spears, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha
• F*ck You – Ceelo
• Stereo Hearts & A$$ back Home – Gym Class Heroes
• Empire Stateof Mind – Jay Z
• On the Floor – JLo & Pitbull
• Golden, Hate on Me, & It’s Love – Jill Scott
• E.T. – Katy Perry/ Kanye West
• Monster – Kanye, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj
• Sexy & I know it & Party Rockers- LMFAO
• Edge of Glory – Lady GaGa
• Head Sprung – LL Cool J
• Shut up & Drive & Please don’t stop the Music – Rihanna
• Eminem – Lose Yourself
• Madonna – Ray of Light
• Glad you Came – The Wanted
• Run It – Chris Brown

 

Anyweight, thanks again for all of the support!

2038

2038.

#winning

That was the bib number from my first 5k “race”.
(Granted, I’ve done other 5k’s, but only as fundraisers/leisurely strolls.  This time, I was chipped, time recorded, and official results published.)

I must say… I surprised myself. My only real goal was to finish [not last].  I did that, and then some! I wasn’t second, or third, or even tenth to last! There were about 29 people eating my dust *sniggle* I came in 284 out of 314, with an average of 16.4 minutes per mile.  THAT RIGHT THERE blew my mind.  And you know what?

I.
Want.
MORE!

My body was sore, but I got up with ease the next morning. Even with the thought to go out for a run.  And even though I didn’t, the fact that it was on my mind to get back out there…is saying…ALOT.

That one single accomplishment, made something CLICK, for me.

 

One of the most memorable days of my life!

My body can do soooo much more than I give it credit for.  To that end, I’ve signed [this body] up for another 5k on May 6th (3 weeks away!). And another on June 30.  And another on July 14. And another on August 12. And another on September 8.

And then…

*gulp*

I accepted the challenge issued by a friend of mine (A real-life IRON GIRL) to do the MCM 10k in October. *sigh*
That gives me 6 months to get my @$$ in gear. 6 months to shave 2 minutes off my mile-time (must be able to maintain a 15 minute mile). And ironically, a little less than 6 months to get to my goal weight by my 2 year surgery anniversary (September 20).

I haven’t gotten on the scale in well over a month, so I have no idea where I am with my weight.  I suppose I need to do that to get an idea of what exactly I’m aiming for.  What I do know, is that I’m becoming less concerned with numbers…and more concerned with overall fitness, core strength, and endurance. I’d venture to say that forcing my body into submission by way of “perpetual training” for these monthly running events, I’ll also be forcing this last 40-50# to pack their bags and get up off me!
Small Side Note: I have noticed that when planning a run [trot/jog/whateveryouwannacallit], my eating is different. There are somethings thatI don’t want in my body when I’m trying to maintain a distance. And I’m far more conscious of what I put in my mouth.  I know it should always be like that, but it isn’t.  So now that all parts of this machine are fitting (and hopefully working) together, I can see BIG [overall] results.

I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I have a truly amazing support system in place that has helped me stay focus.  I had a good friend of mine run this race with me – and plan to do at least one more together. As well as friends who showed up to cheer me over the finish line.

I’m all out of excuses.

I’m made of awesome. It was time that I realized and owned it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I have to “run”…

Game Face: ON

5k run in 10 days!

Trying desperately to do it in 45 mins… That means I need to shave 10 mins off my current time of 54 minutes….Which ALSO means – I need to make the effort to shave off 2 minutes every training day (every other day) until the race.

*gameface*

Never felt so excited about…physical exertion before! *lol* And thankful for so much support around me. My concern mow is that I just don’t want to let anyone down (or hold anyone back that might be running w/me for support) from making better time.

Ah well…*shrug*

My game face is on! I’m feeling strong. Accomplished. Expectant that I’ll do better than I think I will.

But as I’ve said many times before in reference to this first feat of fitness – as long as I finish ( and hopefully Mot dead last), I’ll know that I truly can do what I set my mind & body to. Whether I’m laughing or crying my way across that finish line…I will finish.

I.
WILL.
FINISH.

#theend

Tunnel Vision

Tunnel Vision. Defined as: “the tendency to focus exclusively on a single or limited goal or point of view”.

A lot of people view tunnel vision as a bad thing. And in some instances. It can be. But in the instance of my health and physical fitness? It’s an amazinggggg thing!

I sorta-kinda counted myself out of running that 5k next month due to some health set-backs and overall apathy while dealing with some of life’s other BS, but I’m glad to say my tunnel vision goggles have returned (as it pertains to getting my @$$ in gear/better shape)

My inner athlete at work 🙂

 

This weekend I headed out with my family for a traipse across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. The span itself is a little over 2 miles one way. The trail totals 6 miles – there & back, including the bridge span. I hadn’t planned on running (trot/jog is more accurate) at all, but when the urge hit me? I took off!  Like, didn’t even THINK about running.  It just felt…NATURAL.  For the first time. EVER.

 And I’m so incredibly proud of myself.

I had nearly given up on the idea of being able to get in that 5k race next month, but this was just the encouragement I needed to stick to my plan. Like I said previously – even if I have to crawl over the finish line, I’m going to FINISH.  #the end.

My Sweetface...running like the wind!

On another note: Who woulda thunk that my Sweetface 3 year old would serve as my biggest source of encouragement?  Her daddy used to be runner, so I guess it’s in her genes. (damn shol aint in mine!)  *shrug* But she knows it’s a struggle for me.  At one point she said “See? Just like this, Mommy” – and took off running.  Then said “COME ON, MOMMY! You can do it! Go Mommy!”  How could I NOT find the energy after that??

I have exactly 3 weeks to get my bootay in gear.  I have enlisted the help of Jillian Michaels and her “Last Chance” workout DVD to help amp it up a notch.  So tonight, I will take my first 30 minute punishment.  The REALLY insane part?

I’m looking forward to it.

That blows my mind.  Not only that, but I’ve found another 5k race to get under my belt in October.  Except this one is going to be funnnnn.

It’s a 5k obstacle course -entitled “Run for ya Lives”. Yeah – running from ZOMBIES! Presumable trying to eat my brains… *lol*  Doesn’t get much better than that.  Who  thought I’d truly ever be excited to run – for any reason other than towards a cupcake truck?!?

Times, they are a changing.  And so is my body.  Y’all betta watch out… Size 12 is coming.

The Athlete Within

Last night…I had an emotional breakdown. ON the treadmill.

I was doing my C25K training, and during my last running interval…I just started sobbing.  I mean, the UGLY CRY.  I kept running, and I kept crying. *shrug* Not even sure what triggered it.  But I’d bet my bottom dollar that it was the realization that I. AM. DOING. THIS! 

I’m not an athlete.
Have never considered myself and athlete.
And will probably never be an athlete.

But what I DO want to do, is… RUN.

Like the wind.
Without a thought…
Without a care of how much time I have left before I can start my next walking interval…
Without thinking of how winded I’m getting…

I just want to run. You know, like those folks that can run around the Washington Monument, or over the Woodrow Wilson Bridge, or down by Haines Point…without a second thought.

Before I lost The Weight, it’s not something I could have ever imagined (literally) myself doing. Hell, I never even thought of myself as a person who would really enjoy getting a work-out in.  But it is becoming a part of who I am.  And that is SCARY, because that means no turning back for me. I just have to keep going. Even when I’m tired. Even when I don’t feel like it.
Granted, I may take a day off here or there.  But 30 minutes (minimum) out of my day is not asking much of myself to commit to my health. I was telling someone earlier this week that I had a moment of clarity which was: “if I keep doing this – in June, I will see BIG results. May not be next week, or even next month….but if I keep going SOMETHING is BOUND to happen. There is NO way around that….”  So, I just try to remember that. Even when I’m having a bad day. What I’m doing now, is more than I have ever done before. It WILL pay off. I just have to…

Keep.
Going.

I might not look like it on the outside, but I’m slowly starting to feel that I have the heart of an athlete on the inside. There is something amazing that I feel during/after a work out. Something about that inner “push” to keep going even when I feel like I cant take another step, and… I do. (it could also be the fear of failure, but I will NOT succumb to that, either)  And that “just one more step” will get me to where I need to be…eventually.

With my first 5k run just 3 short months away, I must re-commit every day. Part of the reason I went ahead and registered for it is for some accountablilty.  Something that I can’t back out of once I put it out into the universe.  That part, seems to be working.  So now… to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

One at a time.  One day at time.  One workout at a time.

Just like a REAL athlete 🙂

Before ya know it, I will be just like one of those people who can just take off running… like the wind.

The Fatgirl Brain

*long exasperated sigh* I’m…HONGREE!!! *screaming at the top of my lungs* For the past week, I’ve consistantly failed at taking in any solid (albeit mushy) foods whatsoever – well, besides sauteed spinach & Popeyes Redbeans & Rice. I’m frustrated, I’m depleted of energy, and I’m tired of hurling no less than 3 times per day.

It got so bad yesterday that I actually resigned myself to becoming bulemic: eating whatever the eFF I want, and purging afterwards. THAT’s how sick & tired I am of this whole situation right about now. It was suggested that I just stick to soup for another few weeks…which probably is the best idea. But I’m stubborn. If the Doc says I should be eating food, DAMMIT I wanna be eating FOOD!! *side note* Ironically… I AM able to eat all sorts of crap I shouldn’t be able to eat. ie: SPAM (2small slices), hot tamales (candy), ice cream, handful of chips…*hangs head in shame* $h!t that I’ve tried just to take away the helpless feeling that I’ve been having…and to have “something” in my stomach. Granted, not in any type of mass quantity, but the fact that I have been able to tolerate any of THAT but NOT the veggies/fruits/meats that I’m SUPPOSED to be able to? Just makes me even more frustrated.

It’s really weird, this situation. And I’m starting to see just how much of a mind-F*ck it really is. So much more mental, than physical. I’m still a fatty. And have been warned that I’ll probably always be one in my head, even when I’m half the size I am today. I still WANT to eat like I had been used to eating – whenever, where ever, whatever – but physically, I just cannot (no matter how I may try). I see/smell good food…and want it. Now, ultimately, in a few months…I’ll still be able to partake in the things I like on a much smaller scale – but this place of limbo is wearing me down. Amplifying my “Buyer’s Remorse” by 50/11 and has me wondering if I’ll be the ONE person (out of the thousands who have had this procedure) who will have to live on soup & yogart for the REST of my LIFE! *tear*

The worst part? THE SCALE ISNT MOVING!!!! *throwing the scale across the room* Due to the fact that I’m throwing up mostly everything (good thing I’m at least taking in my protein supplements), I think my body has gone into starvation mode and wants to hold on to all this fat. I’m practically taking in 1/3 of the calories/nutrients that I should, but the scale isn’t really moving. WTF?!?! Down a total of 35# total now (including the pre-op diet), but that aint enough for all this torture.

I’m still not able to get in the work-outs that I want (due to restrictions and overall lack of energy)…but have been walking a lot, and working on my arms and building myself a lil bootay for next spring/summer. I’ll just be glad when this suck-@$$ phase is o.v.e.r.

I’m also in a funk because I return to work in a week. Sooooo not ready, but I have enjoyed the oportunity for a 6wk PAID vacation that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Back to real life. Or my “new” real life, as I’ll know it. One thing I’m concerned about is that w/the general lack of energy, there is a MAJOR lack of creative energy. Which is NOT good for GGX biz w/the holiday season rapidly approaching. I’m thinking this year there will be lots of earrings & rings…and less other “stuff”. I just have to make it do what it do…

This is all a one-day-at-a-time life changing experience that I feel I’m failing miserably at. Trying to do the right thing, but my body is steady staging a revolt. Perhaps the fat girl in me is slowly giving up the ghost (as if She has a choice in the grand scheme of things). Whatever is going on…I’m looking forward to coming out on the other side of this a lot healthier and in my RIGHT mind. Both which seem to be an imposibility at this point…

Oh well, better luck next meal.

Any good prtein smoothy recipes? Send them my way! (Pls & thnku)

Sleeve Eve…

*woooooosaaaaaaaaah*

I’ve been trying to avoid (delay?) an anxiety attack…so perhaps this quickie post will help alleviate some of my angst.
Maybe I’m not starting off properly – see, I AM, in fact, STOKED about this move tomorrow. There are no words, really. Something that I’ve struggled with for 30+ years…will soon be not as much of a struggle. I won’t/can’t say effortless – as I know I’m in for a pretty rude awaking in a few hours…BUT, rude is probably what works best in this instance.

Today, I’m just tying up loose ends with GGX, washing clothes, and lovin on my mini-G. I’m gonna stay w/my g’ma for a few days post- , so I don’t have a wild 2 y/o trying to climb & clammor all on me…and I can actually get the rest I need (which I KNOW wldnt happen at my house *pfft*).

Not really sure why I’m so nervous. I’ve had major surgery before (remember Frankie-the-foot?) but I this this is a whole new realm. I do find solace in the fact that I went with a noted surgical Center of Excellence who has taken amazing care of me and made the journey getting to surgery as easy as pie *mmmmmmmm, pieeeeeeeee*.
Dr. Denis Halmi promised to take good care of me, so I’m good w/that.

I was thinking about something last night: as much as I’ve enjoyed (for the most part) being a “sexy big gurl” – deemed by others, not myself *lol*, I think I may enjoy being a “sexy healthy gurl” @ various sizes on down to my goal of 160#) just as much – if not more. *grin* I’m a foodie at heart, so there will be some moments of struggle (maybe anger, too? *lol* you know that’s a standard feeling in most break-ups)… BUT: no food tastes as good as getting this 140# monkey off my back is gonna feel. BELIEVE THAT.

This is also the perfect opportunity to re-train my eating habits along the way.

Another thought I had? I’m actually looking forward to getting my work-out on. I love to exercise really, but my knees & hips, and back were the ones in opposition. So, at the start, imma get me some Shape Up shoes and get to walking while the weather is still nice, and hit step class once per/week. By the new year, I should be relatively pain free, and will head back to Dr. Sunyatta to get my Yoni work-out & bellydance on.

Yeahhhhhh, mannnnnn. Victory is going to be so sweet. I can almost taste it!

So, until then, my friends…See ya on the other side of anesthesia.

*change soon come – I BRING IT*

Prayer Warriors — MOUNT UP!

The day is drawing near, and I wanted to thank those in advance who have been/will be praying for me during this surgery and thru the transformation. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous & anxious (and yeah, a little scared…but working on my VA Advance Medical Directive for end-of-live care/”living will” really sobered me up a bit *sheesh*). God’s got it though…I’m quite convinced and resting in my faith that all will go well, be well, and turn out well. 

For those who have hit me up, here is the info:Tuesday 9/21 @ Potomac Hospital – Woodbridge, VA… I’ll be listed under my alias G. Yonce’ *smirk* 

Thanks again for all of the encouragement and support thus far… this is just the beginning.

*change soon come*