Phine, re-defined…

10/2009

 

Take a good look. This is what Morbid Obesity looks like. 

Let me preface this by saying that at first I was going to keep it all a hush-hush big super secret squirrel secret. But I figured blogging would not only help me chronicle my journey, but serve as a sounding board. Of course I run the risk of opening myself up to criticism and negativity. But I figured…they talked about Jesus they’ll talk about me too. And what’s more is – I really don’t give a rat’s sweaty nads. *shrug* Let me just say this now: keep your negative commentary to yourself. I’m not entertaining it here. ( And miss me w/the bull$h!t while you’re at it.)
 

With that said… 

I’ve never had a problem with being full-figured. In fact, I’ve embraced it. It’s a part of the me that I’ve been proud to be. Even flaunted my curves. And its not like I’ve been starved for attention. Most…well, a lot (only basing on what I’ve been told) of men (women too) think that I’m (are you ready for this?) SEXY. I’m not bragging at all…but can you imagine? Me, at 298lbs…on a 5’3″ frame. What doctors frown at in disapproval. What some people in public look at in disgust…but yet others…desire. To this day. As recently as an hour ago. 

8/2008

 

*smh kinda confused*  

Admittedly, I’ve thought the same thing for a long time. My self esteem has remained in its proper sometimes over-elevated place. The men folk (husband included) never seemed to have had a problem with it, so I never had a problem with it… 

Until now. I’m at my biggest ever. Almost 30lbs more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant (2 years ago). I’m uncomfortable. I don’t like what I see in the mirror any more. My feet hurt. My knees ache. (ironically enough, the VERY reason why working out has been such a chore – that aside from time: 9-5 job, jewelry biz, almost 2 year old daughter, and a hubby that works nights/weekends).  And now, my once high (sometimes too high) self esteem has taken a nosedive. So what to do?? 

9/2002

 

6/2004

 

I’ve done the diets, the shakes, the cleanses,  the “lifestyle change”, the pills, the work-out regimen, etc… Something has to be done. NOW.  So after about 6 months of mulling it over, I’ve opted to have the Lapband surgery. In fact, that’s the entire reason for this blog. My goal is 75-100lbs. Realistically, at 200lbs, I’ll still be +size…but ALOT better off than I am now. 

Know, I know what your thinking: “fat lazy ass is taking the easy way out” *insert eyeroll, huffing, headshaking here*. But is it really the easy way out? I somehow doubt it. And knowing 7 people personally who have had various type of weightloss surgery, and “easy” is the last thing that has been described: I’ve been told to expect a difficult emotional road of high highs & low lows, self-esteem issues about my new body (and the sagging skin that used to be filled out by fat, my newly deflated “orangutan tiddies” that are now  so round and full of life) along with adjusting to a new, healthier way of life. 

What, you thought it was gonna be all peaches & cream? Noooo.  I will be undergoing nutritional & fitness counseling, emotional counseling/support, and other various tests. Along with, again,  figuring out who I am after all of this is said and done. And of course, STAYING in shape after I get there, eating right, and being ever vigilant not to allow myself to come back to this place again. So if you think it’s the easy way out… well, you can kiss my ENTIRE fat ass as you kick rocks.  What may have worked for you or someone else, doesn’t work for everyone. So I’mdoing what I have to do. 

9/2006

 

I’m making a decision to better my life, and thereby, my family’s life. I will learn healthier habits to pass on to my daughter and share with my husband, as well as actually be around a lot longer to see her grow up, and grow into the olden golden years with her daddy.  This vixen, is about to change her game up, for good. 

I have my physical exam and initial info session at the Bariatric Surgeon’s office on Monday. Then comes the consult to chart the path forward, counseling, etc. I will join the Million Pound Challlenge to help get me started on the right track. But that’s Monday – and it’s going to be a life-changing day. So this weekend, I’m gettin it in. *lol* I’m gonna eat what I want…probably for the last time (at least for a long time);
Celebrate my 35th bday (late, bc of all the snow) and celebrate in anticipation of a new life and a new, even sexier, healthier me… I’m excited. If I’m still considered sexy at a size 22/24…imagine what ill look like (back) in a size 16? I know one thing, y’all better watch out *uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh* G’yonce in the houssssse. 

2/2009

 

I can only pray that by sharing this journey, it will garner some support & encouragement from friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike. But even if it doesn’t, it’s no skin off my teeth. I’m CERTAIN that my words will touch or encourage SOMEONE out there. 

1/2010

 

Beauty can be found at ANY size. From a size 6 to 26. However, HEALTH cannot. And that’s all its about for me. Taking off some pounds to add some years to my life. 

Phine, re-defined… *sexy grin*